Gray

Everything seems gray to me right now. Not black; that communicates a different feeling altogether. For me, although there are many grays I like a great deal, and I have gray clothing I love, and I definitely do not discriminate on the basis of grayness, gray is the color of despair, disappointment, exhausted hopes, misery, and unexpressed anger.

Interesting the different things colors communicate. Pantone, a printing ink company, employs scientists to research what different colors mean to us and what reactions, emotions, and responses they elicit from us. They say that turquoise is associated with healing, for example. Could be - never really thought about it. Thinking about turquoise does, however, give me a sense of well-being.

You would think black would be despair - and maybe it is, but a different kind. It is the death of hope, the death of expectation, the death of maybe next time . . . It is despair in a locked room in which one is trapped. With gray, it is true one is wrapped in it as by a shroud, but should I miraculously muster the energy and find some scissors or just a nail to snag it on and hold it while I rotate it off, I can escape. It soesn't seem likely, and the mere thought of the energy necessary to act makes me want to take a nap, but with gray, not all the doors are locked. There is still life.